Why you need reliable stability, not ups and downs
Your kid is doing fine. Today. But last week was tough. So was last month. But then it got better for a bit. And next week, who knows?
The ups and downs you experience with your kid’s meltdowns and big behaviors are because they don’t have a consistent system to regulate themselves and their bodies.
The problem with things being better this week, but hard next week is that often, the downs get worse over time, and the ups don’t get as high over time.
Sometimes the behaviors get so extreme that even just a break from them, even if it’s still not stable or “good” …. can actually start to feel “good” – “good” in this case is really just the absence of bad.
So overall, your baseline goes down.
Also, your kid feels like they are constantly being judged on their behavior and labeled because of it.
And what about your other kids? The ones not causing these constant disruptions.
We don’t want our kids to think of themselves as good or bad. When your kid starts saying things like “I was good this week!” or “I had a bad day today”, you know it’s time to get some support. This constant focus on their behavior hurts their self-perception and is an unhealthy dynamic for the long term.
Our kids should not be monitoring their behavior in order to please adults.
What can we do instead?
We want our kids to feel like such an important, valuable member of the family dynamic that they can’t help but join in and “behave” in a way that benefits all of us.
This is done through reinforcing the structures around resilience, and not actually focusing on behavior (which naturally shifts with the right structures in place).
This is also done through building frustration tolerance, and setting up ironclad family systems.
In Raising Resilient Kids, your kids will reduce their meltdowns dramatically, they’ll know their strengths and feel that they themselves are an important and valued contributing member of the family.
They’ll develop their own independence and frustration tolerance because of your guidance, and your relationship will be stronger as a result.
You will finally be playing from the same playbook with your partner, having already discussed how to handle specific situations at home.
You will foster deep love and connection between siblings and dramatically reduce any sibling jockeying for position or one sibling demanding most of the attention.
You will have less angst, more love and connection in your family.
Join Raising Resilient Kids by scheduling a Clarity Call now.
On the call, we will discuss your ups and downs, and what systems you need to create stability in your family.
If RRK is a good fit, I’ll invite you in to my next cohort, and you can ask me any questions you have in order to make a decision about joining.
I can’t wait to see you on my calendar soon.
