I want you to have a great time off, Marcie. For real. You deserve it. And, what’s more, your kids deserve the happy, relaxed parent you become when you take good care of yourself and lower your stress levels.
How to do this when you have no childcare for weeks on end, the whole routine is upended, and somehow you still have to reply to some emails while everyone is running around and there are people sleeping on your couch…
I just had three meetings this week all talking about the same thing.
We started with these clients desires for their time off. Spacious, one dad said while leaning back. Easeful, a mom breathed tentatively. Connected, said a mom, glancing at her husband wistfully.
And I prescribed them all the same recommendation, based on how they wanted vacation to feel.
Don’t feed your kids. Don’t make them eat a healthy meal. Don’t make them brush teeth. Don’t make them put on their PJs. Don’t make them do anything except the things you want to do.
This meant that one family decided that if their kids end up with breakfast bars every day, but they actually got to the beach easily and with less fighting, it would be worth it.
After reflecting on their last vacation, they realized that their kids ended up with breakfast bars every day anyway, but after a long drawn out fight about breakfast.
Another family decided that their kids wouldn’t get baths after their long days skiing. If they wanted a bath, fine, but if they were sweaty and smelly and didn’t want to bathe, also fine. Skip the fight.
They reflected on their last vacation and realized, some days their kids didn’t get baths anyway, but that was because they gave up after more than 45 minutes of back and forth and yelling.
These families are giving up on the high standards they have for themselves and their kids and allowing for vacation to feel good.
(You might be thinking– really Talia? Having a healthy breakfast and taking a bath is a high standard?? and I’d counter– have you tried to give a routine-obsessed 8-year-old a bath without warning? have you tried feeding a 5-year-old breakfast in a new place with new plates? You probably have, which is why you weren’t even thinking that in the first place…)
They are letting go of their standards for vacation because of the core learning we come back to again and again in the Raising Resilient Kids class:
How we are is more important than who we are.
These clients are parents who value healthy meals, who feed their kids nourishing food, who value cleanliness and neatness and not leaving a stinky bed for the next folks who stay in that airbnb.
But, how they were when making that happen was stressed, angry, yelling, and overall not enjoying their vacation with their kids.
How you show up in your vacation is much more important than the rules. I encourage you to let the rules go for a few weeks, or a few days, and see how much easier things can be when you commit to not pushing.
After all, the average kindergartner is told “no” an average of 35 times before breakfast. (!!) They know what it’s like to be pushed into eating well. What might they be like when not pushed?
Maybe they’ll continue to eat junk. Maybe they’ll realize on day 5 that they actually want a warm, nourishing breakfast.
Either way, you’ll be at the beach on time.
