This is true for our kids. Whoever we decide they are, is who they will be. What does this have to do with helping and resilience?
Last week, we talked about pausing before correcting/helping your child in order for you to see if your help is necessary. (you can find that information here.)
We know it’s important to let our kids do things on their own. AND, we know how messy, complicated, and time consuming it can be when we let our kids try things on their own.
So, we pick up their toys for them, take out their homework folder again, and pack their lunch for the millionth time, because it’s faster for us to do it.
This is where a pause comes in.
When we think it’s faster for us to do something, it is. When we think our kids can do it on their own, they can.
The pause also allows us to shift how we see our kids.
If we see our kids putting away their toys in a roundabout, somehow messier way, but their toys by the end end up put away, we see them as someone who can put away their toys!
If we see our kids forgetting to take out their homework folder and then showing up at school without a signed test, we allow them to make a mistake and remember it for next time.
If we see our kids packing their own lunch, albeit differently than we would, we see them as someone who can pack their lunch.
Pausing allows US to see our kids differently, in addition to allowing our kids to build resilience by building independence.
And, when we see our kids differently and start understanding how they do things on their own, we allow them to build their resilience. Allowing our kids to build their resilience allows us to see them as resilient. Seeing our kids as resilient allows them to experiment further, and build up their resilience further. It’s a virtuous cycle.
So, pause before acting so your kids can make their own mistakes.
AND, pause before acting so you can notice your child’s already-there competence.
That’s truly the meaning behind “I am as I am seen” — your kids are who you say they are for the bulk of their young lives (and then, that voice lives in them forever).
So, give yourself a chance to see them as competent, independent, resilient beings. And, they will rise up to being just that.
I’m hosting a webinar! If you’re thinking about your child’s own sense of resilience and independence, and wanting strategies to support your child at home, I’ve got just the thing! To learn the full Resilience Building Framework, and get all your questions answered, I invite you to join me at the Raising Resilient Kids Workshop on 5/3 at 12pm.
You can sign up for my free workshop below and either attend live or get the recording. I’d love to have you there!